"To lead or not to lead"
The ability to have constant calm confidence is what you want to establish in becoming the nurturing leader. With that, the horse will look for you and want to be with you. Limit fustration and fear and be part of the relationship sharing their world. You first need to achieve the assurance of trust and communication. Black or white, either you lead or they do, can be identified when asking for something from your horse and they chose to do something else. Stick with your original ask repeating until they understand you are the leader. Once established, they will relax and be soft. It's because of life preservation that do what they do.
By Katherine Barbarite of Whispering Hooves